Anxiety, Panic, and Tears of Joy

The anxiety of match day really only hit me in full force in the twelve hours prior to when the match results were to be posted.

It was bittersweet to be off-duty that weekend, as I unfortunately had too much time to think about all of the possible scenarios that could ensue following whatever this convoluted computer algorithm was going to decide. My future felt like it was in the hands of a computer program, and it just did not feel right. I knew that this was not entirely true, but it was hard to be logical when everything you were working toward for so many years was then going to have an element of computer processing included.

I went on many “mind-clearing” walks the day before match, including one right before I attempted to fall asleep. Surprisingly, I was able to sleep through the evening, and when I woke up the next day I had an entire 60 minutes to get through before I would be able to log on to the website and learn my fate. I showered, paced around and cleaned up my already spotless apartment and made breakfast–which I , of course, did not eat, as my stomach was already full of butterflies at this point, which were seemingly working their way upwards.

5 minutes to the big moment and I was sitting on the old couch in my living room, ready and waiting for the clock to count down to 8:00 AM. My heart beat three times for every second between 7:59 and 8:00 AM.

The time had come, and my vision was suddenly reduced to a mere pinpoint–just enough for me to see the “refresh” button on my computer’s web browser. It seemed like an eternity for the page to reload: surely there were thousands across the country doing the same thing as me, and I never really thought our Wi-Fi was top notch anyway…

And then, there it was: I had matched with my top choice – The University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine. I immediately video-chatted with my mother, during which a waterfall of tears flew from my eyes without any warning. My dream was slowly becoming a reality and it was all just too much to handle.

Continue reading to find out what happened next.